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October 11, 2012 / push4ward

Why is Marriage The Only Way?!

This is something that used to bug me a while ago, later on I have been conversing with a few people about it rather unintentionally, those conversations not only pressed this issue but kind of provoked me to write this piece.

This is merely a blog post. No sociological or deep philosophical thought have gone into this.

 

First, I would like to lay a few fundamental thoughts and assume them as facts in order to construct a logical process to this.

God made everything, the human race is one of many. When he did, he created them with some primal needs, e.g. The need for food to survive.

Among those needs is sexual drive. It is like food and water, a need. Like greed and health, a desire.

One needs to fulfill it in order to lead a good life.

 

Second, Islamic teachings are leanient in allowing many of those desires and needs to be met and fulfilled in many different ways, taking various paths save for sex. There is only one way, you need to get married.

 

Since we’ve constructed those two ‘facts’, and let’s hope we agree on them for the sake of argument. Next comes the logical analysis.

It seems the only way to get to meeting your sexual satisfaction is through marriage. So in a way, marriage’s sacred status has been degraded into a pact that grants you permission to fulfill your sexual desires.

To clarify my thoughts a bit more,

If I’m someone who’s interested in building a healthy relationship with my partner, start a family, take responsibility and be comitted to it through good and bad This arrangement (marriage) is fine and is probably the healthy way to go about this.

However, if I’m somebody who doesn’t think he’s ready -be it financially, emotionally…etc. – to start a family and commit to something this big and sacred, I’m basically screwed and out of luck.

I was made with a desire and need that I need to fulfill as a human being. Problem is the only way to fulfill it is through marriage which is something I don’t see myself doing good at.

So it follows that I have one of two choices to go ahead with;

Either I say, no, I’m not getting myself into this mess, there are other ways to meet this desire. Not endorsed by religion of course but they are a way out and live the guilty consciousness of going against my beliefs.

Or I could just say, what the hell! Let’s get married. It’s the lesser of two evils. I get into something I’m destined to fail at and already know beforehand is not gonna work, it is marriage by name, stripped out the true essense of it. I don’t like my partner that much, I don’t enjoy our time together apart from the time when my desire is being fulfilled, I don’t care much about this marriage to make it work and I’m not ready to put much effort in it.

The result? A dysfuntional family, lousy parenting and maybe in some cases a tragic end. Turns out while marriage is supposed to reinforce the structure and fabric of society, ‘this’ kind of marriage of marrying for the wrong reasons in fact results in awful lots of problems for this same society!

 

My dilemma here, if according to Islam, marriage is the only mean through which you can live your healthy sexual life,

Wouldn’t that make lots of people who are not ‘marriage material’ do it for the sole purpose of having a sexual life and nothing more?

Doesn’t it defeat the purpose of marriage as a pillar to a healthy society?

Is it either get married (even if you are not fit for it) and have a sexual life or don’t get married and have no sexual life at all?

 

 

I’d like to note however that the pronoun ‘I’ does not necessarily refer to me, you might think this is some sort of a fancy philosophical rant that’s inapplicable to real life. But I can promise you, this is quite real.

I’ve met and talked to people who see marriage as a way or a bridge to get to meet some need with total disregard to any other meaning the word marriage carries along with it. To some, it is not a package. You pick some of what you like and to hell with the rest.

I think it’s a fucked up way of life if you ask me. Sex is not a basis on which something like marriage can be built on. In my opinion, at some point in time, the benefit (sex here) will cease to be worth the hassle of such a huge commitment of life and the whole thing will fall out.

Marriage should be a choice, not a mean or a have-to-do thing. I only live once, if I’m presented with a choice between living happy or unhappy. I’d take being unhappy even if that means not getting married.

Afterall, it’s better to live unmarried and unhappy, than to live with such soulless disfigured marriage and become miserable at some point in the process.

 

 

February 23, 2012 / push4ward

A Divide..



Torn apart and divided.. Lost and confused I walked around..

I didn’t know where I wanted to go or how to get about..


Nothing seemed certain or concrete.. Everything was fragile and weak..


The door of possibilities was wide open.. Many variables and very few constants..


Wherever I turned around me, I saw nothing but darkness..

I reached into my soul seeking light but none was there to find..


I turned to where my family used to stand.. Where I used to find them every night..

No one was there.. They were not one anymore.. They have separated..

They used to be one but many.. Now, I see many but can’t reach any..


I refused to accept this.. My family is supposed to be better.. That marriage is supposed to last longer..


I am not meant to be torn like this.. He’s angry.. She’s angry.. Kids crying.. And I’m standing.. motionless..,,.. emotionless..


Divided there I’m standing.. Help!


My voice was lost in all the screams and cries..

I drifted away..in part..


Divided there I stood.. A part of me was lost.. And lingered there the other part..


Divided my heart is.. Wondering if one day that divide will end,,

December 3, 2010 / push4ward

Sex And Religion

A debate going on in this part of the world? yes, it’s probably related to one of these two. We are a society that thinks they -somehow- are able to read peoples’ intentions sometimes before even the poor victim knows it themselves!

It’s baffling how a bunch of uneducated idiots can silence an educated person or group with a word or two. Accusations thrown and false allegations, naming and categorizing people into solid inflexible groups.

If you still find it hard to understand what the heck I’m babbling about then no big deal. Assuming you’re a Saudi or live in a closed anti-individualism society, you’re eligible for the following test ! You may ask yourself what would you think if you saw a guy and a girl holding hands..answers will vary..fine.

Let’s take it a step further and see: what would first jump to your mind if you saw an uncovered -just showing her face-Saudi girl in here? I know people whose ideas would go really wild..

Still no ‘judgmental’ answers on your part? Fine; up a notch: same girl holding her BlackBerry and chatting with a bunch of guys, smiling ear to ear?

How about a hardworking woman at a store?
Or a girl traveling on her own?
A girl all happy and jumping around in public?

I know those questions seem very silly to an outsider who doesn’t live here, yet those very questions are treated weirdly here and people can get arrested for showing such an act or get harassed at least. Also you may have noticed that every question involves a girl and a guy..and for many who think ill of such girls or guys the reason to think so is plainly sexual.. Just kind of shows the kind of thinking that goes into making such seemingly innocent situations look sexual and pornographic. I am actually surprised that there is no famous -if there’s any-  Saudi porn director, trust that he’ll give you a movie setting out of mundane and casual situations, you will be left speechless!

Of course this is only one side of the coin, on the other side , we have those weird ‘religious’ matters, which seem religious at first glance yet this resemblance couldn’t be further than the truth. The questions I’m about to state, do not conflict with a verse or a saying -fatwas aren’t considered- so give it a shot?

Again, same criteria applies, set..go!

A mosque nearby -hardly 2 meters- away from your window, speakers cranked up so loud it’s deafening, is it ok to be upset about it? is it okay to call it a ‘noise’? believe it or not, I heard such weird opinions, regardless, let’s move on to the next question:

is it okay to broadcast those lessons in mosques through speakers, regardless if our fella is going to yap for more than 30 minutes, not caring about those who live close by, need rest, sleep, study, work? I mean there’s a reason they did not stay to listen after prayer! is forcing it down their throats accepted?

The minute I decided to write this post, I promised myself I wouldn’t be talking about those PVPV (Prevention of Vice and Promotion of Virtue committee) guys, so I’m just going to leave it for you to see how checking a married woman out to staring right into her eyes to shouting after her in a mall to feeling weird that her husband is actually upset by such deeds – is all alright and tolerated as long as he is a PVPV guy, I mean come on! he’s a man with a beard, that should be worth something right!- how coloring over revealed and naked parts of girls on covers of magazines,CDs..etc isn’t bad for the PVPV guy making a living of it! I mean if I -a weak and crappy believer according to them- would get swayed and go running to the nearest toilets at the sight of a girl’s neck or arm, then what about this guy who is exposed to such material all year, that’s his job! to look and color!

Nope, probably he won’t be affected, he has a beard…

 

This silliness goes on and on to the point where you are really left thinking, such a lucky society! treated and done with all the crap a society can come across, and only this is what’s left… yeah sarcasm! Values don’t matter anymore, the core of the problem is ignored and ridiculed. sugarcoating any heinous deed with religion gives it a divine halo, it becomes untouchable and correct.

It’s a society ruled by fear of sex and hallowing divine ‘religious’ practices.

 

October 24, 2008 / push4ward

The last mintues of my teen

i’m turning 20 in less than 30 mins! im saying good-bye to another year of my life n to other 9 years i lived my teens thru..

being a teenager wasn’t easy as i realize most of you already know.. i feel like i’ve experienced so many things.. which some have changed my life completely n it’s never like before..i’ve grown up n now i have many opinions im proud of about lots of stuff.

religion, i came to understand by talking with an australian friend that i should never follow what i don’t believe in, n i should never believe in something until i can make sense of what it is..

humanity, unlike before i get it that judging people based mainly on their religion, color, race etc isn’t something i want others doing to me..therefore, im more open to talk to more people of various backgrounds n be friends with them.

parents, now i know better.. i can understand for what reasons they’ve done some things that annoyed me in the past, i have more respect for what they did n still doing for me.

my past, lots of people i’ve lost, many times i got hurt..many many more times i’ve got hurt from people i least expected to cause me pain n put me in harm’s way, i got people turning their backs on me after lots of sweet moments shared together, betrayal never feels good.. some left for good n i know nothing about em till now..others stayed but nothings the same as before, they’ve changed, i could no longer talk to them like i used to, i could never act around em the way i have before, some hurt n left n some came n offered their apologies. i know now that apologies never heal wounds or erase scars, they just remind you of how awful things were n offer some reasons or excuses. but nonetheless i’ve learned to let go, i’ve realized i cant live that so the rest of my life is going to be totally different..

people who knew me year ago would notice the big change,

October 16, 2008 / push4ward

Just Forget It & Everything Will Be O.K.!

I remember the way my grandma passed away very well. it was a sunny day, a beautiful n quiet morning. i was laying sick with chicken pox on my bed. it was Monday, March 10,2003.

by 02:30 A.M. my brother came in my room n told me the news. to be quite honest i felt nothing. of course i was upset, dont get me wrong i cared. but i wasn’t crying or feelin sad n depressed. mom was already gone to the hospital where grandma died. some days later, i started to hit me.. i started to cry n feel the empty space she’s left. lots of sweet memories came to mind n i hated myself for not being well enough to go to her funeral. i still regret it to this very day.

4 months later, my aunt’s husband was buried. a man i loved more than anyone else at that time. he didn’t have kids so he was so sweet around us when we were little. i still remember him n his nice smile. i rarely saw him frowning. when we’d go on a road trip to some nearby city, i’d rather get in his car than dad’s! yeah i liked him that much n more.. you could imagine how painful it was n even more painful to my aunt who lost her mom n husband in four months.. my aunt is strong n i admire her for that, n her husband was just so cheerful n lovely with her or us, i wanted to be like him when i grow up. he had a toys store n we used to go there n pick what we like, he’d be happy seeing us doing so..god i still remember it. i was able to attend his funeral, it was my first funeral to attend.

i know i’ll never forget these two no matter how much time passes since their deaths.. a man and a woman i really loved… may peace be upon them both.

this term n last term, two people i knew passed away.. grieve is an awful thing to be feeling.

four events i consider major in my life n have impacted n shaken me so hard, the above two deaths and other two events i consider too private to even write about them here..

the point of all this rambling is after every major (sad usually) is followed by the famous “it’ll be ok, forget it”..

here’s something, you can’t hit the glass n expect nothing to show on it! i got hit, it left a scar that if i’m lucky enough i’ll get over.. yes i bury those stuff n shove them aside as time goes on but their marks are still there within. yes its true, time heals wounds but some wounds are worse than the rest n leave a trace that time can not erase.

despite all of this, those scars are who i am, who i was and what i have been through. as much as i’d love to get rid of some of them, i know that without them i won’t be who i am now.

October 16, 2008 / push4ward

A New Semester..A New Start..

god! it has been so long since the last time i added anything useful to this blog, ( not that i have in the past few months anyway) .

it has been a week since the beginning of this semseter. i’ve decided to take four courses for this term: math, physics, english and IAS. the last two are easy to decorate my transcript with an A+ thru them. physics shouldn’t be hard either and a reasonable grade to expect n aim for is a B as a minimum.

math however is where i always drag whatever high GPA i have down into the ground. for this term to account as a success for me i need to aim for a C at least, i’ll have to work hard for it n if i score higher that’s good but i don’t have to set hard goals so i dont let myself down when i see how unrealistic i’ve been dreaming.

September 30, 2008 / push4ward

should it go on and on?

it’s hard to talk to parents.. i’m always expected to be another copy of them.. it’s like i can’t have a say in many subjects that actually touch me directly.

if dad has a particular idea about something i better not disagree cuz for some reason i feel that he’s so convinced n believe so much in what he thinks about some matters n if i oppose him on any it feels like i lose his respect for me..

like you know, he thinks he raised me well n that kind of requires that i believe in what he believes so if i don’t it’s like oh god what did i do wrong raising you.. he never said it but i can see it there..

so over the time i’ve learned to shut the heck up n say nothing, its safer, it keeps me from colliding with his beliefs and i dont lose his respect. but in the process i resort to lying and saying stuff i dont really believe in.. some time later he starts believing that this is what i really think n treat me accordingly!

i really don’t know how to deal with that, if i speak out my beliefs he’d get annoyed n thinks i didn’t raised him up well..if i play along n lie he’d take it it’s what i think for real n treat according to it..

what bugs me is fathers why the heck am i supposed to carry on what you believe? why should i pass it to my kids if im not sold on it? you had your turn, you had your chance to make n believe what you want, you had that share of life so let me have it!!