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September 30, 2008 / push4ward

should it go on and on?

it’s hard to talk to parents.. i’m always expected to be another copy of them.. it’s like i can’t have a say in many subjects that actually touch me directly.

if dad has a particular idea about something i better not disagree cuz for some reason i feel that he’s so convinced n believe so much in what he thinks about some matters n if i oppose him on any it feels like i lose his respect for me..

like you know, he thinks he raised me well n that kind of requires that i believe in what he believes so if i don’t it’s like oh god what did i do wrong raising you.. he never said it but i can see it there..

so over the time i’ve learned to shut the heck up n say nothing, its safer, it keeps me from colliding with his beliefs and i dont lose his respect. but in the process i resort to lying and saying stuff i dont really believe in.. some time later he starts believing that this is what i really think n treat me accordingly!

i really don’t know how to deal with that, if i speak out my beliefs he’d get annoyed n thinks i didn’t raised him up well..if i play along n lie he’d take it it’s what i think for real n treat according to it..

what bugs me is fathers why the heck am i supposed to carry on what you believe? why should i pass it to my kids if im not sold on it? you had your turn, you had your chance to make n believe what you want, you had that share of life so let me have it!!

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