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October 16, 2008 / push4ward

Just Forget It & Everything Will Be O.K.!

I remember the way my grandma passed away very well. it was a sunny day, a beautiful n quiet morning. i was laying sick with chicken pox on my bed. it was Monday, March 10,2003.

by 02:30 A.M. my brother came in my room n told me the news. to be quite honest i felt nothing. of course i was upset, dont get me wrong i cared. but i wasn’t crying or feelin sad n depressed. mom was already gone to the hospital where grandma died. some days later, i started to hit me.. i started to cry n feel the empty space she’s left. lots of sweet memories came to mind n i hated myself for not being well enough to go to her funeral. i still regret it to this very day.

4 months later, my aunt’s husband was buried. a man i loved more than anyone else at that time. he didn’t have kids so he was so sweet around us when we were little. i still remember him n his nice smile. i rarely saw him frowning. when we’d go on a road trip to some nearby city, i’d rather get in his car than dad’s! yeah i liked him that much n more.. you could imagine how painful it was n even more painful to my aunt who lost her mom n husband in four months.. my aunt is strong n i admire her for that, n her husband was just so cheerful n lovely with her or us, i wanted to be like him when i grow up. he had a toys store n we used to go there n pick what we like, he’d be happy seeing us doing so..god i still remember it. i was able to attend his funeral, it was my first funeral to attend.

i know i’ll never forget these two no matter how much time passes since their deaths.. a man and a woman i really loved… may peace be upon them both.

this term n last term, two people i knew passed away.. grieve is an awful thing to be feeling.

four events i consider major in my life n have impacted n shaken me so hard, the above two deaths and other two events i consider too private to even write about them here..

the point of all this rambling is after every major (sad usually) is followed by the famous “it’ll be ok, forget it”..

here’s something, you can’t hit the glass n expect nothing to show on it! i got hit, it left a scar that if i’m lucky enough i’ll get over.. yes i bury those stuff n shove them aside as time goes on but their marks are still there within. yes its true, time heals wounds but some wounds are worse than the rest n leave a trace that time can not erase.

despite all of this, those scars are who i am, who i was and what i have been through. as much as i’d love to get rid of some of them, i know that without them i won’t be who i am now.

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