Skip to content
October 11, 2012 / push4ward

Why is Marriage The Only Way?!

This is something that used to bug me a while ago, later on I have been conversing with a few people about it rather unintentionally, those conversations not only pressed this issue but kind of provoked me to write this piece.

This is merely a blog post. No sociological or deep philosophical thought have gone into this.

 

First, I would like to lay a few fundamental thoughts and assume them as facts in order to construct a logical process to this.

God made everything, the human race is one of many. When he did, he created them with some primal needs, e.g. The need for food to survive.

Among those needs is sexual drive. It is like food and water, a need. Like greed and health, a desire.

One needs to fulfill it in order to lead a good life.

 

Second, Islamic teachings are leanient in allowing many of those desires and needs to be met and fulfilled in many different ways, taking various paths save for sex. There is only one way, you need to get married.

 

Since we’ve constructed those two ‘facts’, and let’s hope we agree on them for the sake of argument. Next comes the logical analysis.

It seems the only way to get to meeting your sexual satisfaction is through marriage. So in a way, marriage’s sacred status has been degraded into a pact that grants you permission to fulfill your sexual desires.

To clarify my thoughts a bit more,

If I’m someone who’s interested in building a healthy relationship with my partner, start a family, take responsibility and be comitted to it through good and bad This arrangement (marriage) is fine and is probably the healthy way to go about this.

However, if I’m somebody who doesn’t think he’s ready -be it financially, emotionally…etc. – to start a family and commit to something this big and sacred, I’m basically screwed and out of luck.

I was made with a desire and need that I need to fulfill as a human being. Problem is the only way to fulfill it is through marriage which is something I don’t see myself doing good at.

So it follows that I have one of two choices to go ahead with;

Either I say, no, I’m not getting myself into this mess, there are other ways to meet this desire. Not endorsed by religion of course but they are a way out and live the guilty consciousness of going against my beliefs.

Or I could just say, what the hell! Let’s get married. It’s the lesser of two evils. I get into something I’m destined to fail at and already know beforehand is not gonna work, it is marriage by name, stripped out the true essense of it. I don’t like my partner that much, I don’t enjoy our time together apart from the time when my desire is being fulfilled, I don’t care much about this marriage to make it work and I’m not ready to put much effort in it.

The result? A dysfuntional family, lousy parenting and maybe in some cases a tragic end. Turns out while marriage is supposed to reinforce the structure and fabric of society, ‘this’ kind of marriage of marrying for the wrong reasons in fact results in awful lots of problems for this same society!

 

My dilemma here, if according to Islam, marriage is the only mean through which you can live your healthy sexual life,

Wouldn’t that make lots of people who are not ‘marriage material’ do it for the sole purpose of having a sexual life and nothing more?

Doesn’t it defeat the purpose of marriage as a pillar to a healthy society?

Is it either get married (even if you are not fit for it) and have a sexual life or don’t get married and have no sexual life at all?

 

 

I’d like to note however that the pronoun ‘I’ does not necessarily refer to me, you might think this is some sort of a fancy philosophical rant that’s inapplicable to real life. But I can promise you, this is quite real.

I’ve met and talked to people who see marriage as a way or a bridge to get to meet some need with total disregard to any other meaning the word marriage carries along with it. To some, it is not a package. You pick some of what you like and to hell with the rest.

I think it’s a fucked up way of life if you ask me. Sex is not a basis on which something like marriage can be built on. In my opinion, at some point in time, the benefit (sex here) will cease to be worth the hassle of such a huge commitment of life and the whole thing will fall out.

Marriage should be a choice, not a mean or a have-to-do thing. I only live once, if I’m presented with a choice between living happy or unhappy. I’d take being unhappy even if that means not getting married.

Afterall, it’s better to live unmarried and unhappy, than to live with such soulless disfigured marriage and become miserable at some point in the process.

 

 

Advertisements

One Comment

Leave a Comment
  1. Khaleda / Oct 12 2012 7:52 pm

    Great post!!! I totally agree with u in everything u said!!
    The problem is that our society makes
    marriage like the primary goal in ur life! And they keep pushing you to get married no matter what! They don’t get the whole meaning of spending ur life with someone! A lot of people here are getting married just for the sack of marriage! Which is really sad
    Anyway great post and analysis, keep it coming!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: